My Mother’s Day

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As I lay here looking at you while you sleep on my heart , I’m in awe of you! You have been my biggest challenge and my biggest accomplishment in the same breath. Your intermittent smiles and morning cuddles make everything in life so much more worth it. It makes whatever chaos outside of us in this very moment seem so small. You make me smile without even trying. You are literally my heart outside of my body – I never understood that until you came into my life. A complete familiar stranger to me…

I know nothing about you and EVERYTHING about you at the same time. You are ME! Carrying you inside my tummy was some of the best days I had. I promised myself to live in that moment and I did. Every kick. Every picture. Every moment meant so much to me. Every prayer. Every stretch mark. Every pain. Every scar is a reminder of the battle I fought and WON to get you here closer to me. And now meeting you outside my womb while my body heals is beyond amazing. I would do it all over again if it meant laying here in this very moment with you in my arms. it makes it all worth it!

Thank you my Reign for making me a mother … more importantly, YOUR MOMMY! This title is the greatest title I’ve ever had. Even with the credentials behind my name and Mrs in front of it, Mommy is the best one! You are changing me … I feel it. And even though I know I’m going to miss my old self, I’m ready to embrace this new me that you have helped to emerge. I think of you all the time. I want to give you the love you deserve, the protection you need. I want to be perfect for you although I know that is impossible. I just want to give you the world in hopes you’ll settle for my whole heart instead.

Thank you Reign ! I love you over the greatest REIGN-BOW and back. Happy Mother’s Day to us baby girl

One Month Review into Motherhood

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It has been exactly 1 month and 14 hours (but who is counting lol) since the earth-side arrival of my babygirl Reign. I have been a mother officially ( i believe once that baby starts to grow inside you, YOU are a mother… period) for one month … and boy oh boy!! My respect level for ALL THE MOTHERS before me and those coming after me is at an all time high. How do we do it?! How did you all do it?

To say this short journey have been easy, loving, comfortable, amazing would be a big exaggeration. This journey has been scary but empowering. Amazing but challenging. Joyous but tearful. Loving but hard! As crazy as it sounds… I would not trade each minute, hour, day that I have struggled or cried for NOTHING. I love this little human that my husband and I created. I felt inspired to write … or in this case,TYPE… some of the things I have learned. Now I am in NO WAY an expert… I am just a FIRST time mother that have been responsible for a little human and have survived the first month lol. I do hope however this helps others that are beginining their motherhood journey. I have been SOOOO fortunate to have a village of mothers that have helped me this far. I literally have atleast ten women I can call ANYTIME to ask questions and bounce ideas off. This to me is a major blessing as I know there may be a mother that do not have the same. I hope this info helps. To TRY to make it short and sweet (or as short as I can make it) .. I decided to bulletpoint. Here we go …

  • It is a GREAT idea to plan… but do not hold tight to one single PLAN. Labor…delivery… even baby are all so unpredictable. As much as I would love to tell you my birth story was AMAZING, I am still coming to terms with certain aspects of my story and hope to tell those details soon. As of now, just understand… I did not have a PLAN B or C. I exhausted my PLAN A (before I even began) and ended up going through Plan B,C,D, E …. lol. I was a little devastated to say the least
  • DO NOT COMPARE your story to anyone else. Every pregnancy is different. Every labor is different and every struggle is different…period! What happened or worked for someone else, may not work for you and IT IS OKAY! I remember talking to a mother who had her baby before me. She made it sound like her pregnancy was a breeze and then her labor was nothing short of amazing. Meanwhile I struggled with indigestion, my feet swollen to the point it hurt to walk, I felt HUGE and again… my birthstory was not a easy task. I had to stop myself at comparing. It will drive you crazy!
  • That brings me to this point… NOT EVERY ADVICE IS MEANT FOR YOU. People LOVE giving unsolicited advice. Telling you what you should do or need to do because it worked for them. Understand… every piece of advice is not needed. Learn to nod, say thank you and let the advice leave the opposite ear it entered in. Who cares what you did 5, 10 , 20 , 30 years ago lol
  • ENJOY THE MOMENT… even the waiting…contractions… everything !Take it ALL in. Remember the looks, the people, the smells, the feels… because you wont get that very moment back. I remember my water breaking and feeling so happy but scared. I sat on the toilet and was about to get up and get things together. Something hit me and said “why are you rushing?”. I sat back on the toilet and allowed myself to be in THAT moment. Im sure my husband thought I was crazy when I stayed in the bathroom minutes longer then came out and said “lets lay back down’. I just really wanted to be relaxed and take in the feeling of “im about to meet this human that has kept me up and kicked my ribs” lol.
  • YOU WILL CHANGE! Mentally, physically, emotionally … it is inevitable and necassary. I am ONLY a month in and I can tell you… the way I look at life is different. I want to protect her from everything. My body is different… I am not beach ready lol. My approach is different… soft-spoken went out the window when it comes to babygirl. I AM her advocate! Im still learning to embrace all the changes.
  • TAKE YOUR TIME… as much as the world want us to think being pregnant is no big deal… IT IS!! Do NOT push yourself to prove to anyone that you are superwoman. You are literally already that! I learned this… I started off as a pregnant Nurse that would run to a trauma just to prove to people that I can still do whatever. I had to pause that mindset quick. My body would tell me LOUDLY to sit down and chill. I listened… especially during a pandemic ( that blog will come soon)…
  • This brings me to another point… LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! if something do not feel right, SPEAK UP! IF it does not sit right with you… say it! Call me paranoid but I would call the midwife line quick if I had questions or concerns. I would rather call and be sure then to wait and something happened. Maybe going through a miscarriage made me that way … regardless, I listened to my body on a few occasions. Some were false alarms and some were to save my own life!
  • EVALUATE YOUR SUPPORT! Building and having a strong support is so necassary! Yes we would love to rant and rave about how we “did it by ourself” but WHY?!? Why is this a sign of strength? I never knew how much support I had and needed until 2020. Wedding, Marriage, miscarriage, pregnancy, birth… my eyes burn from holding back tears at how much my husband, family, friends/sisters have stepped up for me! Asking and accepting help is not my forte’ … but during this time, I was humbled…quick! I needed every text, every call, every cashapp, every laugh, every gift, every act of kindness. I am GRATEFUL! I wish everyone had the same support… if you do not, find a support group near you!! Find other mothers that are valuable and CONNECT with them. Do not do this alone. Reach out to me if needed … Im new at this but I can help in some way!
  • BOND! Take time to bond with your little one. As much as you want to share this new life with everyone and the world, Do not rush it! Give yourself time. Give your mate time. Just give time…period. It can be overwhelming trying to be introduced to this new life, get acclimated with your baby and being a host to family and friends… especially during a pandemic. Take a day , a week, heck a month if needed. Gradually introduce he/she to others. I thought about this alot. Some days I just had to take a day with just US. I remember my best friend telling me this. I did not listen (remember that whole advice thing…) then it hit me one day and I felt more overwhelmed than relaxed. It’s ok to welcome help but it is also ok to take a rain check when needed.
  • Stop saying FAILED … I would say “my body failed me” or ‘I feel like I am failing” or “I don’t want to fail”. Each time I said that word… it hurt! I am a person that break through doors and find windows when faced with challenges. I make the impossible POSSIBLE. Failure was not suppose to be in my vocabulary. However, certain circumstances made that word come up. It was not until recently when a good friend of mine… stopped me as I kept saying that word. I evaluated how it made me feel… and stopped it! I don’t like the word so why keep giving it energy?! I did not FAIL! I am learning … learning… learning…

As I grow and learn… I am sure this list could get longer and longer. I am coming into terms that with motherhood, you have to expect the unexpected and enjoy it if possible lol. That is the best way I can say it. Heck just recently, I gave babygirl a bath (I felt accomplished!), gave her a forehead kiss, picked her up ( without a diaper …smh) and instantly felt a warm sensation. That sensation was not a loving feeling lol … Lets just say homegirl gave me a nice and smelly surprise in my hand, on my shirt and on the carpet. Just when I thought we were good … See… the UNEXPECTED!

Stay Kind,

Vee

100 Proof

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As you move forward today , THINK about your worth and what you deserve. God never intended for you and I to be depressed, sad or stressed. However, God allows each and every one of us to make those decisions. You are worth more than what you think. NEVER allow a person or even an idea to dilute your worth. You are not meant to be watered down whether it be your personality or your desires. BE WHO GOD intended you to be. So what if people can not handle it.., it’s ok. They aren’t meant to be included in your plan. I would rather live out loud then to keep myself bundled in silence. As long as you are staying true to yourself and the Almighty, those that are meant for you will be attracted by you. There is no need to be less than to make another person happy. Their happiness should never be your reason to live. In fact, MAN should never solely be the light to your path or the smile you put on your face. A person’s insecurity should never be YOUR problem. That is solely their battle to fight. Your position should be to support and pray. Every battle and situation does not have your name on it. Sometimes just staying TRUE to yourself is your only position. If you are in a friendship or relationship that requires you to be diluted, ask yourself … is it worth it? Is it worth it to hide who you are? Move forward and live your truth! Make it #MagicMonday !

Even a homeless man can teach

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You never know who GOD has put in your path your life to influence you.

Isaiah 45:5-7 “I am the Lord; there’s no other God. I have equipped you for battle though you don’t even know me”

I thought about this scripture a few times over the past weeks and wanted to share with you all to be open and be careful because you never know who and what has been placed in your life for your good. I believe everyone and everything has been pre-destined. We aren’t just created out of mistake or ‘just because’ … we all have a purpose whether big or small. What you seek, is all around you if you just listen. So many of us want to give advice and be judgemental and selfish to our own needs and value that we ignore what others say. We want to voice our strong opinions on things we probably know minimum to nothing about while ignoring facts and the opinions of others. Stop! Listen! Someone may be trying to tell you something that can help your growth. Don’t place how a person look, their age or status or even their past as a marker for their value to your life. If you do, you will be missing valuable gems all around. The person you try to outsmart may not be as ignorant as you think. The homeless man you ignore may be able to tell you how to not end up like him. Be open and allow your higher power to work for your good by being open to listen rather than ignoring a person based on your thought of their value.

Happy Friday!

We are Nurses

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Becoming a Registered Nurse was one of the best decisions I ever made to date. This week I will be celebrating another Nurse’s Week and I can tell you first hand, it never gets old to me. I LOVE my profession. I pride myself in the career I have chosen. Not because I think we are better (by no means) BUT because the skills and great knowledge we all possess. It is a honor to love what I do because I know so many do not share that same love. Even on my worst days (and yes Lord, we have bad days) I can still wear my Nurse badge with honor and pride… that’s a lot to say!

We are a profession of true RESILIENCE! We get up every shift, ready to take on whatever comes our way. We are flexible. We are ever-growing. Healthcare continues to change and somehow we are always ahead and ready for the next skill or the next intervention. We continue to give of ourselves without giving a thought to it. We listen to your ailments. We advocate for you behind the scenes, even if that means getting slack from the doctors. We feel your pain. We put ourselves in the shoes of others. We leave our families on holidays just to take care of your family and most of the time, we do it without complaining! We work long hours until our feet hurt, but this is simply a norm to us. We sometimes get over looked as you “thank” others for saving you without knowing, it was the Nurse that first noticed the problem. We are over-protective of you without you even realizing it. We vow to protect you and do no harm. We see you at your worst and still carry on our duties. We celebrate with you when you defeat a disease. We joke with you just to get a smile. We brainstorm on ways to make you happy when life gives you lemons. We fight back tears as we see you cry. We lend our shoulder to all because we understand. We are always thinking what’s in the best interest of you even with handing you a simple pill. We put aside our own problems each day (and we have problems, believe me) to come in to help with yours. When the day has drained us, we still come home to handle the responsibilities of being a wife, a husband, a mother, a father, a friend … and although tired, we find it in us to give out more! We take on roles as administration, educators, bedside staff, practitioners, researchers to ensure patient safety, advocacy, and satisfaction is at the forefront. We are more than bedpans and medication passes … To all the Nurses, thank you for all you do! Thank you for your dedication, your resilience and your sacrifices! Happy Nurse’s Week!!

Nurse Reminder

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About a month ago I was scrolling Facebook when I came across a post that had the words “Please Scan Your Meds” in capital letters. It was posted in a Nurse group I follow and frequently visit for news, advice or for just great comments from Nurses all over.

The story was about a young Nurse whose trip to an Emergency Room changed her life tremendously due to an medication error from another nurse (story on IG). Usually when I see long Facebook post, I bypass them however this post caught my eye so I began to read. I hung on to every word in amazement from the beginning to end. My eyes started to burn as a tear tried to force its way out mid way through. I remember my mouth falling wide open as I read each sentence again for understanding.”How could this happen” I thought under my breath. . I finished with the words “Oh my God…” I was shocked! The story stayed on my mind all day. How can I help this fellow Nurse? How do I help a person that do not even know I exist? What if that was me? Maybe it was because the unfortunate event happened to a Nurse of all people. Or maybe it’s because I just transferred into my long time goal of being a Emergency Department Nurse. Either way, the story hit me and I felt empowered to help. I wanted to, at the least, brighten the day of this Nurse that unexpectedly got dealt a bad hand. I wanted this woman to know, that she was in my thoughts and that her story motivated me to be more careful as a nurse.

I decided to reach out to this Nurse via Facebook. I introduced myself, thanked her for sharing her story and sincerely asked for her address. Bold move coming from a stranger I know but somehow she trusted me and gave her information. Over a span of 2.5 weeks I was able to make a small gift box to send to her. Thankfully she received it! The motive of this story is

1. As healthcare professionals, please remember the power and skills we have. We have the ability to not only save lives but wreck them as well with one mistake. Always be careful! Check what you are doing and understand each life matters.

2. If you have the ability to change a person’s day, go for it! Never waste an opportunity to do good!

3. Don’t be afraid to do what’s in your heart!

Please follow my IG @kindlykarmalized for this Nurses’ story as well as a short video of my gift to this lovely lady!

Keep Karmalized❤️

Dear 16 … From 32

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Dear 16 year old self,

There is a whole world waiting for you … don’t be afraid to go get it! Travel the world any opportunity you get. Put your best in everything you do and smile when you’ve accomplished. Take time to breath it in!

Hard times WILL come however better times are always ahead. Don’t stress about things you can not change but focus on those you are in control of. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you are still learning and mistakes have the power to be a great teacher of life lessons. That reminds me, Life goes by so fast (believe me!) and YOUR time is something you can’t ever get back. Understand just how valuable the use of time is-Don’t waste it! Today will never be repeated, but you do have tomorrow! You won’t always be this young, embrace it! . There’s more days of being an adult then there are being young. Don’t rush it! Adulting is not forgiving!

There’s a time that will come that you will fall in love. It’s ok! Live in that moment, Love is meant to be beautiful! There will also be a time you will hurt, learn to forgive and NEVER allow your feelings to take you out of character. Every action comes with a reaction. YOU are meant to be a Queen , NEVER remove your crown!NEVER let anything stop you from your dreams. If it’s love, it will be patient. It will always support and have your best interest in mind. Never settle for less no matter how handsome the reward may look. Again, remember You are a QUEEN! Any man would be lucky just to gaze in your eyes. With that being said baby girl, every person is not meant to take your treasure. Be choicey in who you allow in and don’t be afraid to let those that don’t ADD to you OUT!! Your sex is sacred. Your body is a temple! Your love is irreplaceable.

Be good to those around you. Treat people as you would want to be treated. Don’t be the reason for a person’s hurt tears! Always aim to be good! Hold dear to your values, never waiver even in the face of adversity. Be strong. Dare to Be different. Know your value! Allow others to see your AUTHENTIC self and fall in love with who GOD made you to be, not a copy. You are the prototype!

Hold your friends close and your family closer. Never miss an opportunity to spend time with the ones you love for we never know our last breath. Don’t get so caught up in life that you forget the circle of people God gifted to you. Laugh! Laugh as much as you can. There will be days you want to cry, its ok to not be OK. But after those tears dry, LAUGH uncontrollably  for it is good for the soul.

Always always listen to yourself and trust you know yourself better than anyone else. Additionally, listen to older adults at times, remember they may have been through the path already.

Most importantly, put GOD first! Don’t leave your faith behind even when things are going good. Your faith is valuable and apart of who and what you are! Make this world yours babygirl, Don’t be afraid to experience it! Be proud of yourself, you will do fine!

Sincerely ,

Your 32-year old self

#KeepKarmalized

Fear

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Fear. Fear is something that we all have faced at least once in our life. Whether it is fear of spiders or death or maybe just the fear of the unknown, we all have been there. Fear can make us stronger or tear us down. Fear can push us pass our own limit or make us retreat to our own comfort zone. Fear can be overwhelming to some while causing motivation in others. Fear is something that is not ‘one size fits all’. Everyone handles fear differently depending on various factors- knowledge, maturity, past circumstances, future planning, just to name a few. Fear may have you reluctant to apply to a certain job or program because of past rejection or failure. Fear can have you hesitant to leave a certain situation because of the unknown ahead of you. Fear can have you slow to make an important decision because the weight the outcome may carry.

As we move through this life, Fear is inevitable. It’s a natural response given to all of us to prepare for danger. We can not control what we fear BUT we can most definitely control how we handle it. Will it be fear that will hold you from that promotion OR will you turn it into pure energy so that you can go get that blessing? Don’t allow fear of anyone or anything dictate what you want and what you deserve! Fear has no place in a person when it’s time to grow. Don’t let fear stunt your growth and keep you in a state of contentment. Life isn’t meant to be feared BUT BE LIVED! Allowing fear to live is the same as not trusting yourself or your Higher Power. Trust yourself. You know YOU better than anyone else. Break up with fearing the unknown and allow yourself to experience what life has for you! Note to myself as well!!

Happy Tuesday! Now go get what you deserve! #NoFear #KeepKarmalized

Life. Is. Good!

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I woke up the other morning with so much thanksgiving on my heart. Not sure if it was because of the peaceful sleep I woke up from the night before or the smell of lavender from my bedside diffuser. Regardless of the reason, I felt open! I felt happy to be among the living. I felt empowered to do something better than the day before. I felt blessed to be able to simply BREATHE! To see. To smell. To walk. To hear myself give Thanks to the most HIGH! I simply woke up with thanksgiving in my heart.

I got dressed, did my hair and was on my way. As I drove, I couldn’t help but verbally give Thanks during my commute ! With chills down my spine and hairs standing up, I felt so blessed to be alive and have a moment of pure clarity. No drama. No rushing. No negative thoughts. No where to be BUT to be alive! I thought of the patients I see that are on Oxygen at home but yet I’m blessed to freely breathe. The paralyzed teenager that now is bed bound however I can freely walk anywhere. The person that took their last breath and yet i still have life to live. The woman that is fighting her second round of cancer but yet Im just battling a stuffy nose. The man that is getting beat down by severe depression and yet Im gifted today to see life clearer. There’s someone out there who wish they were YOU … yes, YOU! As you take your kids for granted, someone is struggling to just get pregnant. As you take your mate for granted, there’s someone wishing they had a person by their side. A day to live although in a chaotic world, CAN be so beautiful if you take time to embrace it.

The moment of clarity I found was more than a moment, it was an experience that so many people won’t ever get to know. Why? Because sometimes the simple struggles of life can blind us to the big picture. Don’t be blinded! Happy Saturday!

Keep Karmalized❤️

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Be watchful

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So I’m currently sitting in my car, feet up against the door, stuffing my face with a bo-berry biscuit just people watching and enjoying such a beautiful day. As the wind blows, my eyes are focused on the trees blowing and how beautiful and peaceful the scene. I’m noticing all the runners and children playing (why are they out of school? … nevermind).

Then … I see the funniest thing. A couple is walking towards a tea spot -man looks Asian and woman is short Caucasian. I’m looking (being nosey) just watching their mannerisms annnnnnnnd it’s clear the dude is NOT. . . I Repeat . . . Is NOT feeling the chick trying to hold his arm. He keeps his head up and walks faster while she tries to figure out where she could grab next. His arm? No. His shoulder? No. His waist ? No. She finally grabs his hand. I thought “ok maybe he’s a hand holder” and I smiled. That moment lasted 10 sec before he dropped her hand to “adjust his hat”. I busted out laughing at how slick he was. She still seemed so happy to be with him through all of this. This made me think …

Women? Why do we do this … in general? Persisting our love, our support on someone when it’s clear through actions it’s not wanted. Ofcourse he didn’t come right out and say “leave me the heck alone” but when the same affection that is given is not reciprocated, why not take the hint? True, I do not know them however, it doesn’t take a run down memory lane to form the idea to only accept what you deserve ! I say this as it compares to relationships. Even I have been on the opposite end of giving more than i received ( that is another blog for a later time😒) and I kept going and going hoping to find the right angle to fit! But what if there is no fit -circle to a square. What I saw , although it was funny, just made me think of us as humans. Be attentive of how a person is treating you, how that person makes you feel each day, and what exactly YOU deserve. If it doesn’t align, don’t be afraid to move forward to see what may be for you. It’s not always one size fit all and everybody is not for you and belong in your space -male or female.

Lesson of the day- Don’t be THAT chick. You never know who is watching …

keep Karmalized !