My Mother’s Day

As I lay here looking at you while you sleep on my heart , I’m in awe of you! You have been my biggest challenge and my biggest accomplishment in the same breath. Your intermittent smiles and morning cuddles make everything in life so much more worth it. It makes whatever chaos outside of us in this very moment seem so small. You make me smile without even trying. You are literally my heart outside of my body – I never understood that until you came into my life. A complete familiar stranger to me…

I know nothing about you and EVERYTHING about you at the same time. You are ME! Carrying you inside my tummy was some of the best days I had. I promised myself to live in that moment and I did. Every kick. Every picture. Every moment meant so much to me. Every prayer. Every stretch mark. Every pain. Every scar is a reminder of the battle I fought and WON to get you here closer to me. And now meeting you outside my womb while my body heals is beyond amazing. I would do it all over again if it meant laying here in this very moment with you in my arms. it makes it all worth it!

Thank you my Reign for making me a mother … more importantly, YOUR MOMMY! This title is the greatest title I’ve ever had. Even with the credentials behind my name and Mrs in front of it, Mommy is the best one! You are changing me … I feel it. And even though I know I’m going to miss my old self, I’m ready to embrace this new me that you have helped to emerge. I think of you all the time. I want to give you the love you deserve, the protection you need. I want to be perfect for you although I know that is impossible. I just want to give you the world in hopes you’ll settle for my whole heart instead.

Thank you Reign ! I love you over the greatest REIGN-BOW and back. Happy Mother’s Day to us baby girl

One Month Review into Motherhood

It has been exactly 1 month and 14 hours (but who is counting lol) since the earth-side arrival of my babygirl Reign. I have been a mother officially ( i believe once that baby starts to grow inside you, YOU are a mother… period) for one month … and boy oh boy!! My respect level for ALL THE MOTHERS before me and those coming after me is at an all time high. How do we do it?! How did you all do it?

To say this short journey have been easy, loving, comfortable, amazing would be a big exaggeration. This journey has been scary but empowering. Amazing but challenging. Joyous but tearful. Loving but hard! As crazy as it sounds… I would not trade each minute, hour, day that I have struggled or cried for NOTHING. I love this little human that my husband and I created. I felt inspired to write … or in this case,TYPE… some of the things I have learned. Now I am in NO WAY an expert… I am just a FIRST time mother that have been responsible for a little human and have survived the first month lol. I do hope however this helps others that are beginining their motherhood journey. I have been SOOOO fortunate to have a village of mothers that have helped me this far. I literally have atleast ten women I can call ANYTIME to ask questions and bounce ideas off. This to me is a major blessing as I know there may be a mother that do not have the same. I hope this info helps. To TRY to make it short and sweet (or as short as I can make it) .. I decided to bulletpoint. Here we go …

  • It is a GREAT idea to plan… but do not hold tight to one single PLAN. Labor…delivery… even baby are all so unpredictable. As much as I would love to tell you my birth story was AMAZING, I am still coming to terms with certain aspects of my story and hope to tell those details soon. As of now, just understand… I did not have a PLAN B or C. I exhausted my PLAN A (before I even began) and ended up going through Plan B,C,D, E …. lol. I was a little devastated to say the least
  • DO NOT COMPARE your story to anyone else. Every pregnancy is different. Every labor is different and every struggle is different…period! What happened or worked for someone else, may not work for you and IT IS OKAY! I remember talking to a mother who had her baby before me. She made it sound like her pregnancy was a breeze and then her labor was nothing short of amazing. Meanwhile I struggled with indigestion, my feet swollen to the point it hurt to walk, I felt HUGE and again… my birthstory was not a easy task. I had to stop myself at comparing. It will drive you crazy!
  • That brings me to this point… NOT EVERY ADVICE IS MEANT FOR YOU. People LOVE giving unsolicited advice. Telling you what you should do or need to do because it worked for them. Understand… every piece of advice is not needed. Learn to nod, say thank you and let the advice leave the opposite ear it entered in. Who cares what you did 5, 10 , 20 , 30 years ago lol
  • ENJOY THE MOMENT… even the waiting…contractions… everything !Take it ALL in. Remember the looks, the people, the smells, the feels… because you wont get that very moment back. I remember my water breaking and feeling so happy but scared. I sat on the toilet and was about to get up and get things together. Something hit me and said “why are you rushing?”. I sat back on the toilet and allowed myself to be in THAT moment. Im sure my husband thought I was crazy when I stayed in the bathroom minutes longer then came out and said “lets lay back down’. I just really wanted to be relaxed and take in the feeling of “im about to meet this human that has kept me up and kicked my ribs” lol.
  • YOU WILL CHANGE! Mentally, physically, emotionally … it is inevitable and necassary. I am ONLY a month in and I can tell you… the way I look at life is different. I want to protect her from everything. My body is different… I am not beach ready lol. My approach is different… soft-spoken went out the window when it comes to babygirl. I AM her advocate! Im still learning to embrace all the changes.
  • TAKE YOUR TIME… as much as the world want us to think being pregnant is no big deal… IT IS!! Do NOT push yourself to prove to anyone that you are superwoman. You are literally already that! I learned this… I started off as a pregnant Nurse that would run to a trauma just to prove to people that I can still do whatever. I had to pause that mindset quick. My body would tell me LOUDLY to sit down and chill. I listened… especially during a pandemic ( that blog will come soon)…
  • This brings me to another point… LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! if something do not feel right, SPEAK UP! IF it does not sit right with you… say it! Call me paranoid but I would call the midwife line quick if I had questions or concerns. I would rather call and be sure then to wait and something happened. Maybe going through a miscarriage made me that way … regardless, I listened to my body on a few occasions. Some were false alarms and some were to save my own life!
  • EVALUATE YOUR SUPPORT! Building and having a strong support is so necassary! Yes we would love to rant and rave about how we “did it by ourself” but WHY?!? Why is this a sign of strength? I never knew how much support I had and needed until 2020. Wedding, Marriage, miscarriage, pregnancy, birth… my eyes burn from holding back tears at how much my husband, family, friends/sisters have stepped up for me! Asking and accepting help is not my forte’ … but during this time, I was humbled…quick! I needed every text, every call, every cashapp, every laugh, every gift, every act of kindness. I am GRATEFUL! I wish everyone had the same support… if you do not, find a support group near you!! Find other mothers that are valuable and CONNECT with them. Do not do this alone. Reach out to me if needed … Im new at this but I can help in some way!
  • BOND! Take time to bond with your little one. As much as you want to share this new life with everyone and the world, Do not rush it! Give yourself time. Give your mate time. Just give time…period. It can be overwhelming trying to be introduced to this new life, get acclimated with your baby and being a host to family and friends… especially during a pandemic. Take a day , a week, heck a month if needed. Gradually introduce he/she to others. I thought about this alot. Some days I just had to take a day with just US. I remember my best friend telling me this. I did not listen (remember that whole advice thing…) then it hit me one day and I felt more overwhelmed than relaxed. It’s ok to welcome help but it is also ok to take a rain check when needed.
  • Stop saying FAILED … I would say “my body failed me” or ‘I feel like I am failing” or “I don’t want to fail”. Each time I said that word… it hurt! I am a person that break through doors and find windows when faced with challenges. I make the impossible POSSIBLE. Failure was not suppose to be in my vocabulary. However, certain circumstances made that word come up. It was not until recently when a good friend of mine… stopped me as I kept saying that word. I evaluated how it made me feel… and stopped it! I don’t like the word so why keep giving it energy?! I did not FAIL! I am learning … learning… learning…

As I grow and learn… I am sure this list could get longer and longer. I am coming into terms that with motherhood, you have to expect the unexpected and enjoy it if possible lol. That is the best way I can say it. Heck just recently, I gave babygirl a bath (I felt accomplished!), gave her a forehead kiss, picked her up ( without a diaper …smh) and instantly felt a warm sensation. That sensation was not a loving feeling lol … Lets just say homegirl gave me a nice and smelly surprise in my hand, on my shirt and on the carpet. Just when I thought we were good … See… the UNEXPECTED!

Stay Kind,

Vee

100 Proof

As you move forward today , THINK about your worth and what you deserve. God never intended for you and I to be depressed, sad or stressed. However, God allows each and every one of us to make those decisions. You are worth more than what you think. NEVER allow a person or even an idea to dilute your worth. You are not meant to be watered down whether it be your personality or your desires. BE WHO GOD intended you to be. So what if people can not handle it.., it’s ok. They aren’t meant to be included in your plan. I would rather live out loud then to keep myself bundled in silence. As long as you are staying true to yourself and the Almighty, those that are meant for you will be attracted by you. There is no need to be less than to make another person happy. Their happiness should never be your reason to live. In fact, MAN should never solely be the light to your path or the smile you put on your face. A person’s insecurity should never be YOUR problem. That is solely their battle to fight. Your position should be to support and pray. Every battle and situation does not have your name on it. Sometimes just staying TRUE to yourself is your only position. If you are in a friendship or relationship that requires you to be diluted, ask yourself … is it worth it? Is it worth it to hide who you are? Move forward and live your truth! Make it #MagicMonday !

Even a homeless man can teach

You never know who GOD has put in your path your life to influence you.

Isaiah 45:5-7 “I am the Lord; there’s no other God. I have equipped you for battle though you don’t even know me”

I thought about this scripture a few times over the past weeks and wanted to share with you all to be open and be careful because you never know who and what has been placed in your life for your good. I believe everyone and everything has been pre-destined. We aren’t just created out of mistake or ‘just because’ … we all have a purpose whether big or small. What you seek, is all around you if you just listen. So many of us want to give advice and be judgemental and selfish to our own needs and value that we ignore what others say. We want to voice our strong opinions on things we probably know minimum to nothing about while ignoring facts and the opinions of others. Stop! Listen! Someone may be trying to tell you something that can help your growth. Don’t place how a person look, their age or status or even their past as a marker for their value to your life. If you do, you will be missing valuable gems all around. The person you try to outsmart may not be as ignorant as you think. The homeless man you ignore may be able to tell you how to not end up like him. Be open and allow your higher power to work for your good by being open to listen rather than ignoring a person based on your thought of their value.

Happy Friday!

Dear 16 … From 32

Dear 16 year old self,

There is a whole world waiting for you … don’t be afraid to go get it! Travel the world any opportunity you get. Put your best in everything you do and smile when you’ve accomplished. Take time to breath it in!

Hard times WILL come however better times are always ahead. Don’t stress about things you can not change but focus on those you are in control of. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you are still learning and mistakes have the power to be a great teacher of life lessons. That reminds me, Life goes by so fast (believe me!) and YOUR time is something you can’t ever get back. Understand just how valuable the use of time is-Don’t waste it! Today will never be repeated, but you do have tomorrow! You won’t always be this young, embrace it! . There’s more days of being an adult then there are being young. Don’t rush it! Adulting is not forgiving!

There’s a time that will come that you will fall in love. It’s ok! Live in that moment, Love is meant to be beautiful! There will also be a time you will hurt, learn to forgive and NEVER allow your feelings to take you out of character. Every action comes with a reaction. YOU are meant to be a Queen , NEVER remove your crown!NEVER let anything stop you from your dreams. If it’s love, it will be patient. It will always support and have your best interest in mind. Never settle for less no matter how handsome the reward may look. Again, remember You are a QUEEN! Any man would be lucky just to gaze in your eyes. With that being said baby girl, every person is not meant to take your treasure. Be choicey in who you allow in and don’t be afraid to let those that don’t ADD to you OUT!! Your sex is sacred. Your body is a temple! Your love is irreplaceable.

Be good to those around you. Treat people as you would want to be treated. Don’t be the reason for a person’s hurt tears! Always aim to be good! Hold dear to your values, never waiver even in the face of adversity. Be strong. Dare to Be different. Know your value! Allow others to see your AUTHENTIC self and fall in love with who GOD made you to be, not a copy. You are the prototype!

Hold your friends close and your family closer. Never miss an opportunity to spend time with the ones you love for we never know our last breath. Don’t get so caught up in life that you forget the circle of people God gifted to you. Laugh! Laugh as much as you can. There will be days you want to cry, its ok to not be OK. But after those tears dry, LAUGH uncontrollably  for it is good for the soul.

Always always listen to yourself and trust you know yourself better than anyone else. Additionally, listen to older adults at times, remember they may have been through the path already.

Most importantly, put GOD first! Don’t leave your faith behind even when things are going good. Your faith is valuable and apart of who and what you are! Make this world yours babygirl, Don’t be afraid to experience it! Be proud of yourself, you will do fine!

Sincerely ,

Your 32-year old self

#KeepKarmalized

Life. Is. Good!

I woke up the other morning with so much thanksgiving on my heart. Not sure if it was because of the peaceful sleep I woke up from the night before or the smell of lavender from my bedside diffuser. Regardless of the reason, I felt open! I felt happy to be among the living. I felt empowered to do something better than the day before. I felt blessed to be able to simply BREATHE! To see. To smell. To walk. To hear myself give Thanks to the most HIGH! I simply woke up with thanksgiving in my heart.

I got dressed, did my hair and was on my way. As I drove, I couldn’t help but verbally give Thanks during my commute ! With chills down my spine and hairs standing up, I felt so blessed to be alive and have a moment of pure clarity. No drama. No rushing. No negative thoughts. No where to be BUT to be alive! I thought of the patients I see that are on Oxygen at home but yet I’m blessed to freely breathe. The paralyzed teenager that now is bed bound however I can freely walk anywhere. The person that took their last breath and yet i still have life to live. The woman that is fighting her second round of cancer but yet Im just battling a stuffy nose. The man that is getting beat down by severe depression and yet Im gifted today to see life clearer. There’s someone out there who wish they were YOU … yes, YOU! As you take your kids for granted, someone is struggling to just get pregnant. As you take your mate for granted, there’s someone wishing they had a person by their side. A day to live although in a chaotic world, CAN be so beautiful if you take time to embrace it.

The moment of clarity I found was more than a moment, it was an experience that so many people won’t ever get to know. Why? Because sometimes the simple struggles of life can blind us to the big picture. Don’t be blinded! Happy Saturday!

Keep Karmalized❤️

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Be watchful

So I’m currently sitting in my car, feet up against the door, stuffing my face with a bo-berry biscuit just people watching and enjoying such a beautiful day. As the wind blows, my eyes are focused on the trees blowing and how beautiful and peaceful the scene. I’m noticing all the runners and children playing (why are they out of school? … nevermind).

Then … I see the funniest thing. A couple is walking towards a tea spot -man looks Asian and woman is short Caucasian. I’m looking (being nosey) just watching their mannerisms annnnnnnnd it’s clear the dude is NOT. . . I Repeat . . . Is NOT feeling the chick trying to hold his arm. He keeps his head up and walks faster while she tries to figure out where she could grab next. His arm? No. His shoulder? No. His waist ? No. She finally grabs his hand. I thought “ok maybe he’s a hand holder” and I smiled. That moment lasted 10 sec before he dropped her hand to “adjust his hat”. I busted out laughing at how slick he was. She still seemed so happy to be with him through all of this. This made me think …

Women? Why do we do this … in general? Persisting our love, our support on someone when it’s clear through actions it’s not wanted. Ofcourse he didn’t come right out and say “leave me the heck alone” but when the same affection that is given is not reciprocated, why not take the hint? True, I do not know them however, it doesn’t take a run down memory lane to form the idea to only accept what you deserve ! I say this as it compares to relationships. Even I have been on the opposite end of giving more than i received ( that is another blog for a later time😒) and I kept going and going hoping to find the right angle to fit! But what if there is no fit -circle to a square. What I saw , although it was funny, just made me think of us as humans. Be attentive of how a person is treating you, how that person makes you feel each day, and what exactly YOU deserve. If it doesn’t align, don’t be afraid to move forward to see what may be for you. It’s not always one size fit all and everybody is not for you and belong in your space -male or female.

Lesson of the day- Don’t be THAT chick. You never know who is watching …

keep Karmalized !

Keep Karmalized

With so much going on in the world today I often wonder about the future we are all rapidly approaching. Will it get better or worse?   Working as a Nurse and caring for my share of trauma patients do not help the cause nor my thoughts either! Night in and out I see how ONE bad decision can impact your whole life… How some great people can be dealt such bad cards leaving them in such a bad state and drowning in a world of questions.
Life has so many uncontrolled variables that are totally beyond our own understanding.

Monday night at work as I administered meds to a patient, I watched the verdict of the situation in Ferguson unfold. I will not get into a debate of who and what was right but I will tell you THAT is a situation that has changed lives. Whether the distrust of law and those enforcing it is your change or the hate you feel for ignorance; some how that situation made a change. It is horrible to see guns being used so freely and life being thought of as invaluable but then see a patient fighting so hard for a life they didnt have a chance to live in a hospital bed. If you think that is a 100% reference to the Ferguson case, think again!!. This goes way deeper than that. How selfish are we to place such little value on the ONE life we were all given a chance to live? Why add more chaos to an already uncontrollable state of living? My wish is that all the unnecessary violence will cease but we all know that is a long road less seem to travel. Although I wish I had presidential powers minus the presidential problems, my reality is I am a small country bred Nurse that have her own problems to battle with daily. I don’t rally up speeches and take lead in protest. I do not try to be the  present day Dr. King either. I, however, applaud those who have the courage,strength no-how to do those things. My change is smaller than that… my change starts with changing the way I think of others and spreading the lost word: kindness  in the atmosphere. Small starts can fuel big changes!  In such a mess that we continue to observe each day, I continue to challenge each of you to do something kind to someone else. While it may not win you the Noble Peace Prize today,YOU ARE taking steps to change a person’s aspect of their day or even a hopeless decision. Think about it! Be apart of the movement! Inspire others! It is simple, inexpensive and rewarding! #dontshoot

#keepkarmalized

Affirmation Challenge

Happy Hump day!! I can not believe it is already August, where has the time gone?!

Recently I have heard and seen ALOT of videos challenging people to do various activities. Some are positive such as the gospel singing challenge and the love challenge however there are some that are beyond negative. One in particular includes the horrid “fire challenge”. If you are not familiar with the new rave of this generation, I suggest you do some googling. Even in explaining the process I get angry so for that reason I ask that you understand and simply do some small research on the topic.

Every time I see one of these harmful challenges posted, I instantly turn away and completely shut down. As a woman in healthcare and a person that hates to see people hurt, the challenges are not funny to me and actually makes me sick to my stomach. I can not stand to watch… Literally! As a auntie, I worry and pray that my nieces and nephews never find these videos entertaining and tries to mimic any of them. Seriously, How can we as people sit back and laugh at these challenges by excusing it as simple entertainment ?! Where did humanity take a turn for the worse?? When did setting yourself on fire become cool?! Apparently I missed something and didn’t even realize it!!

With all the insanely-negative challenges that are going on, I decided to make up my own 48- hour challenge. From now until Friday at 0600, I challenge YOU that have taken the time to read my post as well as myself to post or comment affirmations you hear, see or tell yourself to a social network. It can be multiple affirmations or just one. Whether small or large, I would appreciate any support. I figure if people can get “iced down” and “burned up”, it has to be some space and energy for positive affirmations too, right?! Let’s do it!! I’m calling YOU out!

Don’t forget to tag #kindlykarmalized and #affirmationchallenge to your post!

Have a great hump day and please support!!

INSTAGRAM: kindlykarmalized

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Love is…

1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

————–>
Good early morning! It’s 5:50am and I woke up with one of my favorite bible verses on my mind. When I forget exactly what LOVE really means, I always refer back to the good book for this verse. I just wanted to share this random thought with you! Never Forget!